after thinking through carefully..

im starting to suspect whether.. do i have a place in his heart..
we know little of each other.. although we do know each other sometime back.. but then ... we knew almost nothing of each other.. its only after we are together then we start knowing more about each other.. before that.. we dun even know how old each other are.. where im schooling.. where we stay and so much more.. its like 2 complete strangers.. suddenly together.. starting everything on a blank page..

i duno much of u.. and u duno much of me.. two complete strangers.. becoming steads all of a sudden.. make me feel so unassured.. very insecure..every night when u come home from work.. u will sit in front of your computer and watch horror movies.. and for u.. i just wait whole day long for u to come home.. and sms me or msn chat with me.. everyday its almost the same.. before we stead oso like tat.. after we stead also like tat.. somemore.. we have never met in real life.. never chatted in real life.. and never dated in real life.. how can we both be so sure about tis relationship...? so sure that we will work out right being with each other..?

wat if after we meet up then realise we are not suitable for each other.. i mean cause we almost know nothing about each other.. i dun wanna put all my heart into it then realise tat its all a bad dream.. im so scared.. hais.. i really dun wanna have any failure relationships again le..

Labels: frighten.

dear dear..
thanks for ur cute funny questions =X

make me so blur.. ur way of asking me is like so weird.. but special and unique.. :)
dear dear.. laogong..! *hugs*
although we know little about each other.. but i still hope tat we can last together for very very very very long :) muacks..

<33 28032008
i love forward to our 1 month anniversary which is on 28042008..
really hope that day will come soon..
muaccks.. love u lots laogong..

from todae onwards.. im currently attached :) with my laogong, Takayuki :) !
iloveyou :)

Labels: first r/s of the year

I should be feeling happy cause everything seems to start to fall in place already..

I will be getting my PSP either this weekend or next weekend.. and i will be starting work on Monday at a Bakery , Sweet Secret.. last time when im younger.. my god sister works there.. and i always wanted to try working there as well.. here finally here is my chance.. partial of me is afraid that it will be too tough for myself.. but part of me is excited by it..

todae.. whole day slack at home.. doing nothing much..
then at nite went out with parents for dinner and went to buy some things home so that tomorrow i will have food to eat at home :)

life seems so weird at times.. i hate the quiet and loneliness that seems to be always around me..

but never mind.. i'm sure i will never feel lonely again once i start school and i bought my psp :)
just hope the days can pass faster so that those days will come soon..!

leaving a comfortable usual habitat.. entering a new phrase of my life :) hope everything will be smooth and happy for my new phrase.. :)

Labels: new phrase.

mondae and tuesdae.. had been rotting alot at home.. whole day nothing much to do at all.. mondae went out with my cousin and go down to queensway centre.. actually wanted to get my shirt.. but dun have my size le.. sadded.. then we went to bugis street and buy his shirt n pants.. and then we took the train home and i went to play initial d.. saw some group of really good drivers.. in the ended waited an hour plus till my turn.. hahas.. but then after enjoying myself.. i went home.. at evening time...

tuesdae.. was a totally boring day.. having nothing to do at all.. at first should be a busy day de.. cause actually agreed on going swimming with kylie.. but last minute as usual she sms me tell me something happen.. can't go swimming.. if i wan she can accompany me go but can't swim.. then i tell her why dun we slack at her place instead.. but no replies after tat... duno wats the matter with her also ba.. acting weird weird at times..

well.. todae.. wednesdae.. been staying at home.. rotting as usual.. but quite happy after what mum said.. i will be able to get my own PSP soon..! very soon.. she promise either this weekend or the next then i will be able to get my OWN psp <33 finally.. i waited so long for this day.. =) then i also found out frm adrian that pingying is attending bishan ite, accounting.. =) so glad to finally know someone that is also from my school.. =) happy happy..

i guess things is starting to be brighter.. i hope the new school semester will be great.. =) hope to find the rite one soon..!

Labels: happy.happy.happy.

todae.
wake up in the early morning.. went to temple and pay respects to my grandma, grandpa and big uncle..
then we saw Felicia chin.. xD My cousin did a very silly and funny thing which made all of us laugh at him.. i should not elaborate.. xP

then after paying respect.. we went to my grandma's place in the afternoon..
then we went out after awhile.. and went to tampines mall and century square..
we went to yoshinoya and ate our late lunch.. i ate spicy beef bowl which i regretted a lot eating it.. it has 1 whole thick layer of chili flakes.. but i already order le.. so dun wanna waste the food.. so ate it up..

after that.. we went to arcade then went back.. and had dinner.. then my aunt ask me go buy ice cream.. i thought she want those block ones in cup.. who knows she want those mix flavors... then got nagged and scolded for such a dumb thing.. then she start anyhow losing her temper for such a small matter..

then after tat.. i fall asleep at the sofa.. until ard 9pm then we left my grandma's place and head home.. duno why.. the moment i reach home.. my stomach started aching very badly.. and i went to the toilet quite a few times.. must be that spicy beef bowl.. shouldn't have ate it and cause myself such misery.. =x

tmr im going out with my cousins.. hope i will have a fun day.. =)

self note : im gonna try to slim down 5 kg before i start my ite.. =) hope i will be able to achieve this goal.. i have been thinking alot and feel that if i really slim down.. maybe i will be more confidence about myself and will be able to socialize better and also have a better healthy life =)

Labels: new goals.

todae whole day from around noon time.. kept raining and raining...
todae actually wanna go swimming de..
but raining then can't go.. in the end, never go swimming at all..
it seems that everytime she has a boyfren.. she wun have time for me..
i miss the saturdaes that we two hang out together.. walk around.. laze around..doing nothing.. whole dae aimlessly.. but well i guess.. its meant to be this way when u have a boyfren.. i guess if i have a boyfren.. i wun be home now also anyways.. surely will be with my boyfren somewhere.. enjoying the sweet saturdae..

weekends always make me feel sad.. and lonely.. everytime when its the weekends.. im always left alone at home.. facing nothing but walls walls walls.. doing nothing at all.. thats why i kept bugging my mum to buy me a psp.. so that i got something to take my mind off with.. but she always say another time another time.. i can only hope that this time round.. her another time will come sooner.. before i get bored to death..

bought a new shirt frm queensway shopping centre yesterday.. quite nice.. then only 10 dollars for a 40 dollars shirt.. cause they closing down le.. then closing sales.. wanted to get another one.. but then.. no one seems to want to pei me go down.. so i didn't go get another one.. i told my mum the address.. she say maybe todae she will go take a look.. hope she will really go take a look.. but i have been thinking about it a lot.. if my mum buys the PSP for me.. but i can't show it.. then how to upload game.. cause mummy said that if sister knows.. im dead for sure.. hais. duno lars..

well.. last night.. was trying to bid farewell to a fren.. but was too tired to get up to call him.. but manage to call him in the early morning before his flight and bid him farewell and ask him to take care of himself.. hahas.. well he will be back on tuesdae..

hais.. duno is it that one coming or my mood.. suddenly.. i quite happy.. next moment upset.. whenever im alone.. i never smile.. not at all.. cause i hate loneliness.. i hate being alone.. but i always am being alone.. whenever im alone.. i tend to start thinking a lot a lot.. i wonder.. when i enter my school.. will i be able to make friends.. because.. well..i dun have any friends that is going into bishan ite.. so.. to me.. that is a whole new place.. a place for me to start afresh.. hope everything will be smooth sailing for me..

Labels: lonely.weekend

todae [20 march 08] stayed home whole dae.. cooked dinner for parents.. fried rice.. although not very nice.. but mum help me make it nicer =) and they seem to enjoy it.. =)
then i realize i got a new trademark, 'love me for who i am or fark off..' duno why suddenly kept having it in my mind..

Later [ 21 march 08 ] going out with kelvin , lollipop Prince go buy presentss =)
hope tmr will be a fun dae.. nite nite! muackies.

Labels: love me for who i am or fark off.

sometimes.. things cann never be as smooth as u wanted.. although the things u want may be simple.. but sometimes or should i say.. most of the time.. things just went haywire.. no matter how hard u try.. problems and lots lots problems will sooner or later appear.. things may be very simple.. but once we start to solve it.. sometimes things will just get more n more complicated all of a sudden..
sometimes when i think about the school admission thingy.. i feel sad lor.. cause.. well.. all of my frens or classmates.. going to poly.. and im the only one who choose ite instead of retaining.. then quite lonely.. entering a new school with perfect zero frens.. is such a nervous.. yet sad thing.. none of my frens seem to be entering bishan ite.. hais.. then somehow.. i feel us drifting apart.. honestly speaking.. im jealous i guess.. im starting to having friction.. and she kepts coming between us.. everytime we have an arguement or what.. she seem to be in the topic most of the time.. and i really hate it.. she just always make hate her more and more..
cause.. why does she have to come in between us.. i dun feel more importance anymore.. eventually i will lose to her.. becos.. she is ur schmate.. what am i... a stupid idiot that is going to bishan ite ALONE?
hais..

idunwannathinkaboutitanymore.
thinkingaboutitjustmakesmeevenmorehurt.

Labels: hurt.sad.apart.

yesterday and todae.. was very fun for both me and kylie..

monday..
after i meet her at kovan.. we went to plaza singapura.. and walk around.. then after lunch.. we went to the arcade upstairs.. we spent a total of 120++ dollars.. that cause both of us to be broke.. but it was very very fun.. we each got a soft toy which is the JP toy.. hahas.. then we got a 2.8kg bag of mentos.. we exchanged for a mickey mouse speaker.. which requires 2kg of mentos.. then... 800g of mentos was left and she bought it home.. its very fun..




this is my soft toy.. hers is the lilo and stitch's stitch who is carrying a doll in his hands that can glow when pressed.. hahas.. then we went to her place.. and play comp for awhile.. after meeting her hubby.. we went to hougang mall.. i had waffles for dinner.. then went home separately..


Tuesdae.. which is todae.. x3

we went to plaza singapura in the afternoon.. we had swensens as lunch... hahas.. then after that we went to play initial d and went to look around.. trying diffierent clothings.. then i actually wear my shirt wrongly after trying one of the shirts.. so embarrassing.. then i was like.. 'shit..!' hahas.. she suggested going into another shop and act wanna try the shirt =x hahas.. after that we went to action city.. and each got a piggy bank.. hers is a transparent cat.. mine is a orange colour bear.. hahas.. we decide to save up some money using our piggy banks.. and we both bought a dark chocolate pencil box.. looks kinda small but quite nice.. hahas.. then we both went to get ice creams.. and went home.. =)

although this two days.. was getting me tired.. but well i had alot of fun.. hahas..
tmr going register for my ite le.. going to rest soon.. =) buying laptop soon i hope =)

Labels: tired.happy.fun.

im back at my own home now... unlocked my blog.. hmm.. well.. having a mixture of feelings now.. feeling of both sad n happiness.. come to think of it.. i miss my parents quite a bit.. i called my mum in the morning to tell her im coming home for good now.. just now before i leave my godmum's place.. i asked her about her house keys.. see whether she wants me to keep it or return it.. she say.. return it when u will not return again.. i wanted to tell her.. i wun return again.. but.. i wanna keep the keys.. to remember everything tat happen during this long holidae.. i wanna remember every single lessons learned.. and every memories no matter happy or sad i had there.. just during this few months.. i learned a lot.. about my past.. when im younger and.. about other things in life.. i came to know that im a sly lier when im young.. very good at lying and always lying.. come to think of it.. thats maybe when i can tell lies without thinking much... but well.. white lies are great but if u tell a lie that will hurt others.. then i think thats very awful...

well.. im home happy cause.. i will be able to lead my own life much without a control freak.. without a irritating person bugging me all the time.. somehow i miss my freedom life.. so maybe returning here will be a lot more suitable for me.. but i will always remember my last nite there which is ytd nite.. i watched no reservations with keng jie and we had a great time.. when i left my god mum's place this morning.. tears flow down my cheeks.. but i know i had to bid good bye to this place and return back to my free life.. before i suffocated in the binding miserable life over there.. i hope they will also be happy that im gone.. and there wun be a big eater over there to eat up all their food and stuff.. but well, i will definitely miss mummy's cooking and the fun times we had together..

now.. i should end my post here.. cause im returning to my freedom life.. and gonna spend my day 1 with kylie.. x3 duno where we will be going but im now off to meet her at her place..

Labels: sad.happy.mixture.

i guess this is a decision i must make to prevent farther unhappy happenings from repeating again n again.. i decided to go home.. once i go home, it will be for good i guess.. not returning anymore.. but i sort of miss my god sisters over here.. i miss the enjoyment of chatting and caring for each other.. if only.. she is not around.. everything might be better.. but.. its also her who changed my god brother's attitude.. so not for her.. maybe my god bro will still be the loner him to me.. hahas.. well.. but also because of her.. i learn a lot.. she is always being a goody when people are around.. act innocent whenever there is trouble.. and in another words, act like an angel whenever there is a 3rd party around.. i used to think she isn't a hypocrite or a person who backstab others.. but then.. come to think of it.. i have been used so many times.. by her.. and i was unaware im being used by her until i sat down and start thinking abt it then i realise how stupid and foolish i was.. i always think that she is can sae part of the family so she should be trustable but i was wrong.. she is even worse than my frens.. she is the type that will use ur trust to her.. she always say that others only treat the people good when they are in need of that person's help.. she always say others not realising she is being that way too.. but im not blaming her for anything.. just that.. i know im that way too at times.. but if u know urself are that way too.. then dun say about others.. somemore.. she always throw her da xiao jie temper around.. sad to sae but im not those who will give in to da xiao jie temper cos i have put up with someone else's same temper for the past 17 yrs of my life.. she always comment abt my sister.. and say my sister this and that.. but somehow.. i feel.. she and my sister is almost the same i guess.. last nite.. i sat down and really think through everything.. then i realise how dumb i am.. hais..

i wonder.. why my heart still beating for u.. daryl.. hais... ur image is always in my mind.. whenever im sad.. i always think of u being funny and silly and ur funny pictures in frenster.. any ger who is love by u.. is a truly happy ger.. becos im sure she will be love and dote by u a lot.. but that ger will never be me.. but my heart continues to beat for u.. for duno what reason.. maybe.. the feelings i had for u.. had already been deeply written in my heart.. till its impossible to erase.. but seeing u happy is already god's greatest gift to me..

Labels: decision.heart matters.

another normal day..
todae.. woke up in the afternoon.. quite tired.. last nite played mahjong at huiru jie's place.. n lost.. paid school fees.. hahas.. but learn a few tactics.. hahas.. learn a few new things.. then after tat went home.. and had dinner.. ate a few chicken wings.. the soup so saltish =P bleah.. hahas..
todae.. woke up.. play maple.. daydream.. was thinking the difference being single and attached.. everyone ard me that is attached seems to be happily with their other half.. but then.. i seem to see loners for the singles.. todae wanted to ask kylie go out.. but gt dinner then can't go.. somemore.. recently very no mood lors.. dun feel like going anywhere..
now going buy slippers le.. tmr going watch horton at suntec in the late evening with my xiao bear n zhong bear =P
hahas.. hope i will have fun..~

Labels: hais

i promise myself i will lead life with a smile... but i failed..
i failed to lead tis morning with a smile.. because its the second time tat something like this happened.. well.. this morning i was awaken not by myself but by my godmum with her usual shoutings n yellings of me going out to help her buy some oyster sauce for her to marinate her things.. hais.. its nt this part tat im angry about.. its the part where she ask me to buy things purposely when there is another person in the household who is asleep also.. she can ask the other person but purposely asked me to buy for her.. and the sentence she said tat will always make me remember.. is 'if u dun go and buy oyster sauce, tonight u dun eat dinner..!'
when i heard tat.. i was like... wat the fcuk.. super angry.. hmm.. i sat down thinking she is treating me like a maid lars.. the last time tis happened.. i was like maybe i think too much.. but seems tat its getting confirmed rather than me thinking too much...
hais.. things seem to be more n more complicated.. its irritating me more n more.. hais.. i miss being a small kid.. no problems.. no troubles.. so easy to live life... nowadaes.. life is tougher n tougher to pass le.. hais..

thingsaregettingmorecomplicated.

Labels: complications

Labels: old old days

well.. todae went to work at the pet shop at farmway 1, pasir ris there.. hahas.. at a aqua fuana mega pet store.. hahas.. the mega store even have a 10m swimming pooll..!! hahas.. well.. i have alot fears for dogs.. especially big dogs.. a dog barks can already frighten me =P hahas.. but then.. went there to work and saw the world's biggest dog.. great dane..! he actually is the pet shop dog.. inside the shop got a poodle.. 2 poms.. 1 mother n 1 daughter.. and the great dane.. along with 4 cats , 5 hamsters...2 chincilla and alot crazy gerbils.. xD well.. i would have love to post pictures of them but.. well.. my fone lost and tis temp phone doesn't have a camera.. hahas.. the great dane.. is a frenly dog.. hahas.. todae at there work.. not wiping then is washing.. i learn to clean dogs' cages , cats' cages.. xD hahas.. and also learn about their foods, treats and equipment.. hahas.. although my knowledge on dogs , cats and other small animals are very little but i gainned quite alot of knowledge in a dae.. hahas.. =) but then.. must carry 20kg , 10kg , 9 kg.. xD alot of different food which are in heavy packets.. must help carry.. if nid repack.. even worse.. so tired lors xD hahas.. well.. over exert my right arm and cause serious pain to it.. hahas.. xD well.. later take a salonpas and paste at my backbone.. really painfull.. and tired..~ but as usual.. its a lonely saturdae.. well.. tats all ba.. very very tired...

Labels: lesson

i’m just who I am, who I suppose to be.
Do What you want, Say what you want. Cos Isimplydunwannacare.

If you like me, tell me.
If you don’t, let me go.

This is my way, and that is your way.







About Me
Name : Serene
Age : 18
Birthday : 23rd of May 1991 :)


-----------------
wishing upon a star
[1] Create happy memories with my love ones
[2] Learn to control my emotions better
[3] Find the right one for myself :)
[4] Study hard and get better results~!
[5] Learn to express myself more properly :)
and ALSO to be HAPPY EVERYDAY

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